Sorry for the lame blog title ... and I am SO SORRY that I haven't blogged in such a long time! Things have gotten out of hand in my mind and things have been piling up one after another after another in my world, and let me tell you this past school week was nothing but a hectic mess! But I think from now on it'll be easy street. Or so I hope. I just need to find a job and then everything will fall into place.

So I was just doing some artwork (I've finally managed to get the time in to do so!) when I got thinking about how Scotty, my four-week-and-going-strong boyfriend, and I met ... and how incredible it is that when you meet new people, more doors to new worlds are opened and you finally start seeing what goes on in other worlds.

Kay, let me go back a couple of steps to get all of my thoughts down. Oh, and if you're wondering about makeup looks... Don't worry, some more are coming! I've got a great lineup for you that will be perfect for any occasion, and I'll also be doing quick Youtube tutorials for the looks so if you like to see the process via video, the option will be open. c: I probably, however, won't get to them until after February 8th: I'm running low on supplies and I won't be able to go shopping until that day, but more tutorials are coming!!

So Scotty and I first met on Nexopia (why I still have a profile on there I'll never know) and he was the one who first started messaging me, and in the same day he had asked for my Facebook, cell phone number, and my MSN. That's four different ways to reach me right there. Anyway, we had been talking for the longest time (he was about the only person who would willingly text me at 2 in the morning ... although that's a different story altogether) and finally Scott had said that he wished he could hang out with me. From there it was a whirlwind of plans being made and the next thing I knew I was up at five in the morning on December 30th and heading to Tsawwassen on a Greyhound coach at seven in the morning. To say the least, I was a basket of nerves and to be honest, I had made full intentions -- and promises -- to myself that I would pull out my Wild-Colten card and more or less by myself, which is usually all of my unlikable traits ... loud, cursing like a trucker, with the wild spunk of a squirrel. Some of you have already witnessed this card; others have yet to experience it and whether or not it's something to look forward to is a question in itself.

During this time, which was also during the time I had wrote my soft New Year's post (that was also when I realized that the experiences I've been through in the past are not to be bitter and angry about but instead thankful, because it's made me who I am today), I was experiencing something I had never known possible. I was meeting new people like crazy, seeing new things, and doing things I would never do in Osoyoos -- none of them bad or promiscuous, just out of the norm -- and it was such an exhilarating experience that it opened new doors in my mind and closed old rusty ones.

It's funny, the people that can walk into your life and help you to realize more than a person could ever fathom. I mean this in many different ways: with my relationship with Scotty, I've always dreamed of being able to experience what it's like to first start liking a person unexpectedly, to hold that person's hand during a movie, to cuddle... And I finally got the chance to do after 17 years of fantasizing. Liking Scotty was a surprise in itself. I never thought that I was his type so for the entire five-and-some-odd-hour days that I was there, I closed off any thoughts (and any teasing my friends had made) that there was a possible future for us beyond being friends. Look at where we are today. Hell, I'm spending my birthday with him, a mild fantasy that I had dreamed of doing with past relationships. I get to do all of the things I've heard my friends tell me about and their experiences with their boyfriend(s). For this, I'm thankful that Scotty walked into my life.

As well, meeting Scotty has opened many other doors for me as well. It gives me chills to think that, without him, I wouldn't have made other friends that are his friends as well (which I do understand can and may get messy later down the road, but I have full intentions to prevent anything coming between Scotty and I) and the people that I've met -- all but one -- I am so excited to see again when I go down there for my birthday, and to see where my friendships with those people take me.

Being stuck in Osoyoos, I'll admit, has been a difficult experience. You start to get many different ideas into your head. I, for one, knew that no matter what happens, I have to get myself out of Osoyoos. This town is fantastic, I'll give it that -- the different people I've met have forged great friendships and every where I go I am welcomed by a vast variety of people (especially when I'm trying to get away with something I would never otherwise do ... some of you may know what I mean when I say that) when in a big city, that would happen on the rare occasion. But it always comes back down to it's too small. I'm currently unemployed during a time when I desperately need a job so I can afford things that are starting to become a luxury (aka smokes, phone cards, toiletries that are essential to a boy trying to look good). There are no places to buy clothing that actually fit me -- I have to travel as far as Kelowna to be able to do that -- and there is nothing in this town that helps the creativity of the community's youth to spread. Being able to find a place to work as an amateur makeup artist would be a miracle in the making. I don't have all the time in the world to be able to afford making prints of my artwork and sell them off. Living in Osoyoos is just hard.

Upon meeting Scotty, I slowly became aware of other life out there -- as weird as that may sound, it makes perfect sense in my mind. There are better places to go, and job opportunities like there's no tomorrow. I know that my moving to Vancouver is going to be a bumpy ride, but once I finally get settled in I know things will come easy. Yes, yes, to any adults reading this and rolling their eyes at my naivety, I get it: bills and rent to be paid, food needs to be purchased, money needs to go into gas or transit, and the city is only going to open more wounds that have long since healed, figuratively and literally. I see all of these instances as an adventure, a sign of independence when I don't really have that living with my mother. Not that I'm saying I'm willing to start paying the bills, but instead I'm willing and glad to pay bills that are in my name. Come on, people -- we shop for clothes; we're also shopping for our shelter. That's how I see it.

To kind of wrap up this post, it's been a wild adventure so far and it's going to continue being an adventure, and every morning excites me (except when I know how my day is going to pan out). I wake up and realize that I am one more day down until I can live my dream life. I am able to experience things I never thought possible, one of those things love and actually being in a relationship ... and I only have a few people to thank for helping me realize this... Let me tell you, I haven't been able to stop smiling all day today upon realizing that there are greater things beyond a small, restricting community; a community with broader limitations and more opportunities. I cannot wait to join that community and live every day like I'm Indiana Jones cross Lily Savage ... living one day at a time, making people laugh in more ways than just one-liners and living and breathing in makeup. HAHA.

Stay gold, everyone. Wherever you are, don't feel bummed out that it doesn't seem like there are better things going on, because there really is.
- Colten.
xoxo

So it's already happening, and I thought this year was going to be stress-free, but I guess I'm very very wrong.

I'm already stressed to the nines.

It's only recently just come to my attention how far behind I am in school and I'm desperately trying to catch up. Okay, I guess I'm not as behind as I think I am but you all should know me by now: I'm a perfectionist and sometimes, having things as perfect as they can possibly be can take longer than one expects. Anyway, that's been one thing that's constantly bugging me (and even with today, which was kind of my easy-going day, school work was still bothering me!)

The next thing that's been stressing out is this wonderful blog -- in case you guy's haven't noticed, the little collages of pictures of yours sincerely is cut-off on the bottom and the overall look is just not what I want it to be, but with my external/portable hard-drive not working it's been hard to create another layout (but I promise I'll design one that I'll like for the year, and then in 2012 I'll create a new one again HAHA). My portable hard-drive has kind of tanked, which means that it still runs but makes strange clicking sounds and my laptop no longer even acknowledges the fact that I have something connected to it, so when I called Verbatim on the phone I went through a long process only to be told that they're going to send me a new USB cable because apparently the hard-drive isn't receiving enough power. Don't know why it wouldn't receive enough power but when the USB cable finally comes in, I guess we shall see what happens. Cross my fingers, however, that everything is still in proper order.


The next thing that's been on my mind lately is going to post-secondary education. For those of you who don't know yet, I've been accepted at John Casablanca's Institute of Applied Arts (break open the champagne bottles!) but with that comes even more responsibility: getting the registration (duh) and the deposit ($500) in. The $500 deposit is what I'm seriously panicking about because I don't have the money for it yet and I'm scared I never will. The only plus side about having to pay the $500 deposit is that it comes off of the total tuition for JCI's makeup course -- that's it. I've been desperately trying to figure out where I'd like to work for the next little while until I can move to Vancouver here in Osoyoos, and NOBODY is hiring until March, April or May. Sadly, I need a job as soon as possible. A girl, however, at Pharmasave has given me hope -- false or not, I don't know -- so I'm going in tomorrow during my lunch break to find out if they've looked over my resume and application and leave Pharmasave POSITIVE that they're hiring. If not ... I'm screwed. So technically, I guess this was two things that I've been stressing about.

Last thing that has been on my mind is signing up for Rental Assistance from the wonderful BC government ... and other things go into this category. SO many things, that mainly just revolve around living out on my own in Vancouver. Need I say more?

Anyways, I just needed to quickly vent and now that I've done so I think I can sleep peacefully tonight and dream of ... well, kind-of-sort-of naughty stuff. ;D

Stay gold, lovelies!
- Colten.
xoxo

Wow, it's here. 2011.

I was sitting on my friend's Scott's sofa (actually, technically it's not his but his dad's) and listening to Goldfrapp's "I Wanna Life" when I got to thinking, strangely quickly, about what my year was like in 2010. At the start of it I was so hopeful that everything would be brilliantly perfect; my mother and I were homeless by then but still happy that we had a roof over our head, food on the table -- AND CABLE. We hadn't had cable for I think three months before moving into the motel at a moment's notice so it was nice to finally watch American Idol and not have to worry about what streaming video links were high quality and whether or not they were still there. I had a feeling that 2010 would be a year when I would finally find my place in the world and overall have a good year.

Even though many things happened in that time to now, it was all worth it in the end; the experiences of 2010 have been eye-opening and shocking, a right royal smack in the face here and there but it's always good to have that to really help things to sink in.

It feels like two years ago when I was removed from living with my mother by the Ministry of Children and Family Development (which is a totally misleading government department name as there is no development between children and their families) and I lived with my foster dad, in which I won't give out any names. It still blows my mind that my mother did physically attack me, in which she has no recollection of it. It still blows my mind that for three months I had been a slave to somebody I didn't even know, in which my foster dad was oblivious to his laziness and didn't realize the toll having to do the dishes every night when I could have been studying was on me. I don't think anyone really understood what it was like for me to have my home taken away from me, my cornerstone, and still have to go through school. I admit I was stupid and selfish to shy away from reality and hide behind my computer monitor, but at the same time I think it almost helped me to achieve very many things. More on this later.

I'll never forget the experience of having my mother physically attack me, and then put into foster care. Being in foster care solidified everything for me; everything kind of slipped into place from where it was once absent, if that even makes any sense to anyone reading this (and if you've read this far then congrats to you, are you yawning yet? HA!). I can't describe what it was exactly that slipped into place but things started making sense to me. Maybe it was my views on the real world that solidified, or maybe it was about who I was and what I wanted to do that became clearer. I can't put my finger on it but everything just kind of fit. Even though I grew increasingly restless and unhappy by the end of the third month, it was still an experience I think I needed to have. In a way it's like it made me stronger as a person. I think that's what I'm trying to get at.

The summer flew by as if it had only lasted for a week. I can't even put my finger on it. I don't why it was but by mid-July, I grew increasingly unhappy having to slave away. I think it was because I was pulling more weight at work than what I thought I should have. My boss at my work place this summer seemed a little impassive at everything that was going on and it only struck me nearer to the end of the season that he did put in a lot of work this year due to the new location, and I hadn't done as much work as he had. I'd had many occasions where I snapped on people I shouldn't have (in which the only customer that I apologized to didn't take the apology so good, which kind of shocked and angered me) and I never realized why it was that I was snapping on them, and in my eyes at the beginning, it seemed like they were being selfish and stupid. What it was though was they were asking for things we never used to do before, as well as having more responsibilities dumped on me than I was used to. It was a shocking year and I think it's made me a better and assertive worker, so I thank my boss for that. I don't know where I'd be without him in terms of working.

School started in September and I remember being so excited that I could finally get a start on Grade 12 and work my behind off to pull A's from my you-know-where. My goals are continually being met and I am passing Grade 12 very successfully, and I'm proud of myself for that. The difference being at the learning center compared to the high school was that my instructors are very committed to making sure their pupils know what they're doing, and I love the feeling of being acknowledged for when I'm stuck, and I have three people I'd like to thank for that: Miles, Barb and Sharron. Without them, I would be, out-of-character, just scraping by Grade 12 just to get my Dogwood so I could go to post-secondary school.

The weather outside became increasingly confusing and fluctuated being -10 to 3 degrees Celsius, but that was the least of my concerns (except for when I stepped outside for a cigarette). I sent in my information to John Casablanca's School of Applied Arts and they called me the next day, funnily enough while I was hanging out with friends, and I am happy to say that I have been accepted into the school -- it's just a matter now of getting the registration and the deposit in and then I'll be good to go. That was the thing that I was seriously worried about as JCI needs at least $100 within a month of registration, and either the rest of the $500 deposit over a period of five months or however; as well, and stupidly, there's a section on the registration form where they ask for emergency contacts, presumably in Vancouver, and I have nobody to use as my emergency contact. HAHA. I`ll figure something out.

And now here I am, in Tsawwassen with my buddy Scott and having an amazing time, and last night, even if a blur, was amazing -- there is explicit video proof. And last night, spontaneously, we all shouted, "ROCK ON LIKE IT'S 2011!"

So my advice to you, the reader whose somehow read this far, is to just rock on. Let 2011 be the best year you've ever had.

Stay gold, lovelies!
- Colten.
xoxo